My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
