It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
