omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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