This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize