My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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