Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
