It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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