So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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