My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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