does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
