So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
