Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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