im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
