I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
