and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
