Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
