Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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