At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
