there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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