mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
