Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize