I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
