bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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