It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
