I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
