You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize