Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
