I wanna passion pit in your ass
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
