Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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