he thought i was a dude.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Come on in and take your pants off
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