doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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