I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize