god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize