But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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