I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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