Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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