she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
His nipple licking is glorious
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