when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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