i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
