Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
