I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
