every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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