if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
