Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Barsexuality is the new black.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
