My nipple is on Facebook.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Drunk is not a location!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize