Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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