Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
