Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
