i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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