you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize