My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
