I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
