You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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