How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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