No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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