South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I am available for nakedness
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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