one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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