My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize