So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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